OPPONOUNCEMENT: DO NOT ITCH YOUR EYE WHILE CUTTING HABANERO PEPPERS

"Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him" (tylerssvtfocushateshim)
01/26/2014 at 01:04 • Filed to: foodlopnik

THE PAIN IS THAT OF A THOUSAND SUPERNOVAE GOUGING YOUR EYEBALL WITH FLAMING RUSTY NEEDLES DIPPED IN SULFURIC ACID AND IS SUFFICIENT TO GIVE ONE A DESIRE TO CALL THEIR MOTHER AND CURSE THE WICKED SHREW FOR BIRTHING YOU INTO THIS WRETCHED MISERY YOU CALL EXISTENCE BEFORE FLAYING AND SELF-IMMOLATING ONESELF TO END THE ABJECT PAIN AND HORROR. THAT IS ALL.

sidenote: I made chili

DISCUSSION (60)

soto > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:06

You have a little something on the corner of your eye...you should probably get that.

I_AmDeath > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:08

I've done worse then that. I cut Jalepenos and went to have some alone time. Yeah not a good idea.

OneFastPuertoRican > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:09

Sounds about as painful as getting IcyHot on your balls.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > soto
01/26/2014 at 01:09

HELP ME

soto > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:10

pour milk on your face

soto > I_AmDeath
01/26/2014 at 01:12

You went to read a book?

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > soto
01/26/2014 at 01:13

I'VE LOCATED A HERD OF COWS AND AM CURRENTLY PARTICIPATING A MILK BUKKAKE. THE PAIN IS CURRENTLY LESS THAN BEING IMPALED BY WOLVERINES MOUNTED ON RUSTY PIKES BUT FAR FROM OPTIMAL

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > I_AmDeath
01/26/2014 at 01:14

...no no no no no

soto > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:14

Well, then that's good right?

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:14

I did something similar once with Dave's insanity sauce...even washing your hands isn't good enough.

soto > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:17

Kinja'd!!!

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment
01/26/2014 at 01:17

You know a sauce is bad when it comes with warnings for people with respiratory issues. Dave's is a whole 'nother planet of hot and you have my pity.

fhrblig > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:19

So, how was the chili?

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > fhrblig
01/26/2014 at 01:23

Don't know yet, I just made it and always put my chili in the fridge overnight before eating. Apparently that makes it taste better because all the ingredients marinate in each other or some foodie bs like that. Tasted delicious before I put it away, looking forward to tomorrow night.

ddavidn > I_AmDeath
01/26/2014 at 01:23

That is probably the worst idea I have ever heard.

ddavidn > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:23

You'll never do that again.

Can I have some chili?

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > I_AmDeath
01/26/2014 at 01:24

When I was 12 I went to summercamp and someone convinced a bunch of the guys in my cabin that Icy Hot was a great addition to alone time. 5 minutes after lights out about half the cabin was screaming in pain, a couple of kids jumped straight into the shower with their clothes still on. Luckily for me I was not that dumb and could just laugh.

PatBateman > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:24

IMPORTANT AND RELATED NOTICE:

Wash your hands very well BEFORE you take a piss.

I wish I wasn't speaking from experience, but... Yeah.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > ddavidn
01/26/2014 at 01:26

UPON MY INEVITABLE CAPSAICIN-RELATED DEATH I BEQUEATH TO YOU ONE MINI-CROCKPOT OF MY CHILI. EAT IN SOMBER REMEMBRANCE, KNOWING GAVE MY LIFE TO CREATE THE PERFECT, MOST DELICIOUS POT OF CHILI

PatBateman > IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK
01/26/2014 at 01:26

It doesn't work until you exit puberty.

Try it now.

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > PatBateman
01/26/2014 at 01:29

You're a bad person.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > PatBateman
01/26/2014 at 01:29

*FURIOUSLY SCRUBS HANDS WHILE CRYING AT MENTAL IMAGE*

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > OneFastPuertoRican
01/26/2014 at 01:31

THAT WOULD BE PREFERABLE TO THE CURRENT AGONY I AM EXPERIENCING

ddavidn > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:33

I will savor that mini-pot of chili like no other has been savored or will ever be savored again.

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:33

Is it bad that this is the most entertaining oppo thread I've read in a while? That makes me a bad person right?

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK
01/26/2014 at 01:35

IT MAKES YOU A SADISTIC BASTARD WHO REVELS IN THE PAIN OF THOSE LESS FORTUNATE

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:38

ahhhhhhhh schadenfreude so good

Corey CC97, MAZDA DPI IS STILL BAE JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV VISIT FLORIDA RACING LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:47

So, how's the chili? Spicy?

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Corey CC97, MAZDA DPI IS STILL BAE JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV VISIT FLORIDA RACING LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
01/26/2014 at 01:54

Very much so. That's a two-quart crockpot and I put in six habaneros and six jalapenos, so after it marinates overnight is should have quite a kick. Extremely tasty regardless, I'm quite proud of myself as a college kid whose cooking experience is limited to a microwave :)

I_AmDeath > PatBateman
01/26/2014 at 01:55

Or if your into pain its alright.

I_AmDeath > ddavidn
01/26/2014 at 01:56

It wasn't intentional but oh dear god did it ever burn.

Corey CC97, MAZDA DPI IS STILL BAE JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV VISIT FLORIDA RACING LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 01:56

Smoking Jesus titty cinnamon that's a lot peppers. Can you mail me a bowl of it?

Team6.1 > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 02:01

Ouch. I've never done it night of, but the next day I got some in my eye. Damn oil was still on my hands even after washing them. Worth the pain though, I love em.

Local Miata Bro > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 02:01

Remember wash your hands before you go to the bathroom I made that mistake

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Corey CC97, MAZDA DPI IS STILL BAE JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV VISIT FLORIDA RACING LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
01/26/2014 at 02:02

BUT WAIT! ORDER ONE BOWL OF TYLER'S RECTUM-RIPPIN' CHILI ™ AND WE'LL SEND YOU THE SECOND BOWL ABSOLUTELY FREE! THAT'S TWO COLON-SHRIVELING BOWLS OF GASTROINTESTINAL AGONY FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!!! Maybe if I have leftovers, haha. I'm expecting this to be dinner for at least three days or so, anything after that I'll send your way. I'll just need your name, address, date of birth, Social Security number, and bank account number and password to ensure I'm sending it to the right place.

Corey CC97, MAZDA DPI IS STILL BAE JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV VISIT FLORIDA RACING LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 02:05

Sounds legit...I mean it must be if you have your chili trademarked.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Team6.1
01/26/2014 at 02:09

I love habaneros, too, they're at the perfect place in the flavor vs. hotness scale. Have you tried anything with scotch bonnet peppers? They're like habaneros but sweeter, used in a ton of Caribbean sauces and dishes. My family went on vacation to St. Martin a few summers ago and the local scotch bonnet hot sauces were fantastic, I definitely recommend finding one if you like habanero-related food.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Corey CC97, MAZDA DPI IS STILL BAE JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV VISIT FLORIDA RACING LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
01/26/2014 at 02:13

Great! My Nigerian cousin will send an email later for you to include all that information. He's a prince, you know.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 02:19

You only think that you know pain.
Try getting the front half of the roof of your mouth cut out and then eat tomato sauce. Then try having your two canine teeth drug down from there with braces.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Local Miata Bro
01/26/2014 at 02:22

You're like the third dude to relay a story and warning like that, it's hilarious that this thread has brought up all these horrible pepper-related misfortunes. Tragic, yes, but hilarious because it wasn't me!

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
01/26/2014 at 02:27

Jeez, I had braces for four years but never anything like that. I just couldn't eat sunflower seeds :|

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > PatBateman
01/26/2014 at 02:50

I had that happen to me. It was as though I spent the night with a craigslist hooker.

CPT Speedbump > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 05:10

I'm affraid of doing much worse this year...my house hold is going to start growing Ghost peppers, a hybrid pepper even hotter then the Ghost, and another hybrid a little less hot then the Ghost, but still way hotter then Jalepno's... I fear for my face, my throat, my stomach and my arsehole...

SPNKiX > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 06:10

I've done this.

LucasWarmWater > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 09:21

Masters of the obvious...

Team6.1 > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 09:58

Kinja'd!!!

No I haven't. I do love hot sauces though. Sweet is so good with extreme heat. Pure hot and no flavor is not the way to go. Ghost viper hot sauce. That's always fun to break out at parties.

fhrblig > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 10:12

Cool. Now I want some chili!

Also for future reference, if you've just chopped habaneros, remember to wash your hands before you take a leak. This may be from personal experience.

thebigbossyboss > I_AmDeath
01/26/2014 at 11:01

My ex said she did that.

Makoyouidiot > I_AmDeath
01/26/2014 at 12:41

I can, unfortunately, top that. I once got into some poison oak. Because my hands are calloused and thick skin, I didn't notice it on them. As a consequence, I rubbed it all over myself before noticing what it was. Yes, I took a shower that night. Yes, I also had some alone time during said shower. The burning rash lasted for a week. I thought I'd magically contracted an STD from not having sex.

Cajun Ginger > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 12:49

So what would happen if someone ate your chili before sexy fun times of the 69 variety?

thebigbossyboss > Makoyouidiot
01/26/2014 at 14:05

My buddy did that. He got scabies while on wilderness training, which can be an STD.

Oh man. I am sorry to hear you did that, that sounds...not fun.

Joey Quinn > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/26/2014 at 15:16

A few months ago my friend's dad grew some ghost chilis, so a few friends and I decided to try them. On our way home almost an hour after eating the peppers my friend who was driving touched his eye and it was so irritated we had to pull over and switch drivers. It took a solid 10min of flushing his eye before the swelling and redness went down. The peppers were 750,000 scovilles.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Team6.1
01/27/2014 at 00:10

That's a nice little collection you've got going! I'd love to get a set of my own going but I'm in college so I don't have much opportunity to cook with them :|. I've only got chipotle Tabasco and Blair's Mango and Habanero so far and they seem to do the trick for chili and salsa and the like. Bonus points for Captain Jim's, they make that in my hometown!

Team6.1 > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/27/2014 at 00:24

Got it from Lava Lips in broad ripple. Grew up in Indianapolis. The girl one came from a whore house/gas station/rest stop out in the desert. I've also liked everything from Dave's Gourmet.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Team6.1
01/27/2014 at 01:06

Big fan of Dave's myself, I got a 6-pack of their milder sauces a few Christmases back and went through it like water, love their stuff. I had no idea a place like Lava Lips existed; seems like a really cool place and I'd rather spend money on gas than shipping thanks for the heads-up!

JEM > PatBateman
01/27/2014 at 08:26

I can't even count the number of times I've accidentally done this.

I've kind of given up on using fresh hot peppers, partly for this reason.

Makoyouidiot > thebigbossyboss
01/27/2014 at 10:11

Very not fun

Philbert/Phartnagle > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/27/2014 at 19:55

I apologize, I started laughing before I even clicked the link.

Then once I thought about it a bit, I was sorry for you.

Does that make me a bad person?

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Philbert/Phartnagle
01/27/2014 at 22:18

IT MAKES YOU A BIG FAT MEANIE WHO LAUGHS AT THOSE IN UNFATHOMABLE AGONY

Philbert/Phartnagle > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
01/28/2014 at 04:44

Hahaha! Sorry man, my friends and I always laugh at each others misfortunes....unless there's lots of blood.